The Grueling Process of Submission (Part One): Hook, Proper Grammar, and To Be Verbs

Recently, I had a friend, David Kirkland, who is an editor of a small press, write and suggest a series of blog posts on mistakes he sees repeated in western, sci fi and fantasy submissions. As I read the list, I thought about the WOW! novel class I teach and the Summer 2016 Flash Fiction contest I will finish judging today and agreed with his points. These mistakes can make readers--who at the submission point are agents and editors--cringe.

I decided in October, before we get to NaNoWriMO and the craziness of writing 50,000 words in a month, I would cover the most important of these in a three-part series about submitting your manuscript. The following post is not just for genre writers, but for any fiction writers, and I would include memoir writers, too.

So, let's go.

1. Grammar and story must be spot on! David said, "Take your first three pages and ask: 'Would an agent be interested enough to ask for more?' This really has two aspects: Will it be viewed as polished work? Is the story engaging?"

This may seem like a no-brainer, but he's right. The beginning of your novel is the hardest to write. It's true that you need to turn in a manuscript that is grammatically correct. If grammar and you don't get along, then hire someone to help or ask a very good friend because it is time consuming. One error and a terrific manuscript will most likely NOT equal an automatic rejection. But trust me, agents, editors, and judges are looking for reasons to reject your manuscript and give someone else first prize.

As for: is the story engaging? Hopefully, you believe it is, or you wouldn't have taken the time to write it. But you need to find objective readers who will tell you the truth. This means you need a critique group, beta readers, or a developmental editor. Most of the time, writers fail to begin the story where they need to because they really want to make sure readers understand the characters and setting. Detach yourself from your beautiful beginning, and start the story just before the inciting incident, which changes the main character's life forever and propels him into the problem. 

Many people will tell you that you need a hook--something to get agents and editors excited about your work. Think of the books you like and consider their hook, which lures you in from the beginning. Not all books do it in the first pages, but when you are a debut author, getting that hook in there is important. 

Take for example the first paragraph of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins:

When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My

fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only

the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had

bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she

did. This is the day of the reaping.

Immediately, we know there is a narrator with a sister named Prim who must be scared about something, and this is the dreaded day of the reaping. The hook is that readers will ask themselves: What is the reaping? Why is Prim scared? 

David said, "Agents work on a commission, and so have to be selective and will expect it [your manuscript] to pass both tests [grammar and hook/story]."

2. "To be" verbs and passive voice: The other thing David mentioned, which I also see a lot of, is using forms of "to be" (i.e., is, was, am, are) instead of action verbs. This can often lead to passive voice or awkward sentence structure and wordiness. Many times when writers use a "to be" verb, they also use a weak action verb with an -ing and an adverb, which Stephen King says should be used on a rare occasion. Let me give you an example, instead of blabbering on about this point:

Amanda was walking slowly across the yard because she was avoiding talking to  her father. 

Amanda drifted through the yard to avoid a talk with her father.

(Maybe you have an even better way to fix it! We would love to see that in the comments below.)

Here's an example of passive voice, which should rarely be used and only when you do it on purpose:

Michael's boat was being scrubbed for the big race by the crew. 

Who is scrubbing? The crew! So, to make this active, they should come first.

The crew scrubbed Michael's boat in preparation for the big race. 

I'm not saying don't ever use a "to be" verb, especially in dialogue. When speaking, we use them all the time. What I am saying is watch out for overuse and for annoying adverbs and passive voice that can sneak in when you do. David suggests using a highlighter to mark these verbs in your submission pages, and decide if a stronger verb could do the job.

Stay tuned for Part Two coming on Wednesday, October 19.

Margo L. Dill is a writer, editor, teacher, and published author, living in St. Louis, MO. She blogs on a regular basis about being a single mom and writing at http://www.margoldill.com, where you can also find a list of her children's books. She teaches novel writing for WOW!, and you can find her class here. 

photo above by Guudmorning! on flickr.com

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3 comments grammar, literary agents, manuscript submission, Margo L. Dill, passive voice, writing craft, writing hooks

Favorite Hooks for Writing Articles

If you don't have a hook, try a carabiner.
Photo credit | EKHumphrey

I started researching an article a couple of weeks ago. Because it was due late last week and, in between holiday baking and shopping, I wrote a draft and revised it. Then I deleted the draft and rewrote it because I found a better image to use and draw the reader into and sometimes through the piece.

The image or idea I found could capture the reader’s attention and provide instant recognition (a popular celebrity), while providing a meaning to the piece (the celebrity’s questionable actions) that could illustrate a larger concept.

Normally I don’t start writing a piece until my research—interviews, news articles, books—uncovers something that stands out as the hook to draw the reader in. There are many approaches to take when looking for a way to draw a reader into an article. Here are a few of my favorites, which are techniques often used within fiction:

• A detailed description of the article’s subject — These beginnings always bring me directly into a piece because I start to visualize the person. If it’s not a person, the description of an object is incredibly useful. A recent example appears in “The Big Kill” by Elizabeth Kolbert, she describes an animal, which is a major focal point of the story. (The New Yorker, December 22 & 29, 2014)
• A quotation or an unusual fact or figure — What better way to introduce a fascinating topic? Give the key subject a starring role by providing a cogent quote in the opening. Finding an interesting or out of the ordinary piece of information can have your reader feeling enriched and educated on the topic. These often intrigue the readers and make them want more. Laura Jacobs, in “Balanchine’s Christmas Miracle” begins her Vanity Fair piece with an excerpt from a journal written in 1964.
• Conflict — Nonfiction and news pieces often set up a David versus Goliath conflict in the early paragraphs. In American Queen, a book I’m currently reading for review, John Oller uses conflict well. He contrasts his subject—Kate Chase Sprague—with those in her orbit, which sets the stage for a chapter's action. (Oller also alternates with using detailed description.)

What draws you into a piece of writing? What do you try to do within your articles and writing to entice someone into the story?

Elizabeth King Humphrey is a writer, editor, and teacher. Her free guide, Harmonizing: Find and Communicate to Your Audience, helps health and wellness professionals communicate with their potential clients.

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2 comments Elizabeth King Humphrey, nonfiction, nonfiction techniques, writing hooks

Ants in my Kitchen, Traffic to Your Blog

For over a week now a relentless colony of ants have been invading my kitchen. I’ve always been the type who doesn’t like to kill anything. I see a spider and I scream, but will still ask my hubby to take it outside. So this has been particularly annoying! My theory is that if I find the source and get rid of it, the ants will pack up their bags and move elsewhere.

I quickly discovered they were going for the trash, so I made sure not to throw any food in there, instead faithfully taking it outside to the dumpster in back of my loft. Even on nights where my hubby brought home takeout and I was too tired to go outside, I’d put the subway wrappers or whatever in a plastic bag and stick it in the fridge. And sure enough, pretty soon the ants got the hint and left.

Then a couple days later I saw that the same troop of ants had changed their game plan and were now going for my cat’s food. How did I know it was the same troop? They were coming from the same area—and this is the weirdest thing—from fifteen feet up the wall and from behind an enormous oil-painting I have of Alice in Wonderland, from my rave (underground) days. There must be a hole or something behind that painting... but I haven’t gotten out the ladder to look.

So I moved my kitty’s dish to a different part of the loft, and so far so good! But who knows how long that will last.

Like the traffic of ants I had in my kitchen, the traffic to your blog will continue if you keep posting something tasty. (You knew I was getting to something right?) So here are a few tips to keep the steady flow of traffic coming before they move on to the next best thing:

Start with a tasty story!

As writers, we know everyone loves a story. An anecdote about ants in your kitchen may not be the most fascinating story out there, but whatever it is, make sure it relates to your blog post.

Keep it short and sweet

A couple paragraphs will do. Think of it as you would flash fiction, and listen to your inner-editor.

Pose a question

You don’t want to start off by asking a question every time, but readers like to become involved, so keep the dialogue in mind. Many of our blog posts end with a question—that’s because we really do want your opinions voiced. We love feedback!

Say something controversial

It could be an idea that you’ve been mulling over, something in the news, or something that relates to your personal life. I don’t think you should straight-out try and shock readers just to create a stir, but don’t be afraid to be yourself.

Edit before you post

Being yourself doesn’t mean that you should write like you would in an email to a friend. Remember you’re still writing for the public, so be sure to rewrite and check for grammar, and other things you may not want getting out there. One thing I noticed is even if you delete a post, it’s still live on the wires somewhere. And if you have full syndication, readers can still read that post in its entirety on some blog reader websites like bloglines or technorati.

Do what you do best—write that hook!

I don’t have to tell you what to do...you’re fabulous women writers and you already know! For instance, look at Jean’s previous post, Dare I say it? Time to Exercise!!, or that Angela person who decided to tell her story of how Owen Wilson inspired her post How Media Inspires Our Stories or Sue’s post Self-Sabotage Countdown (what a great title! It had me hooked from the start!), or Chynna's very funny post on a Not to Do List.

Now I want to know:

What hooks have inspired the most comments on your blog posts?

Or, what awesome hook in your writing have you recently used?

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8 comments blog traffic, blogger ants, writer's blog, writing hooks